


Love, Cinnamon, Disappear

by planet_yeol



Category: Self-Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:20:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27610598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planet_yeol/pseuds/planet_yeol
Summary: Inspired by the songs Love song, Cinnamon Girl, and How To Disappear by Lana Del Rey and Ecstasy by LAZARO.The story follows a story of Clint and Ant towards unspoken love, trying to understand each other's motives.
Relationships: Ant/Clint, Anthony/Clint, Justin/Clint
Kudos: 2





	1. How To Disappear

**_“What do you want to be in the future?”_ **

**_“I… I want to be with someone…_ **

**_who understands me a lot.”_ **

****

It was the first day of sophomore high school when I first met him. He was too shy to approach anyone, trying to say hi first and carry on the conversation. I took a deep breath and started walking towards him. I tapped his shoulder to make him face me.

_“Excuse me.” I politely asked._

_As I saw his face, I felt something strange. It felt like the clock stopped ticking. I gave a good minute to stare at him until everything came back to reality._

_“Are you ok?” he asked. I came back to my senses and chuckled lightly._

_“Ah. It’s nothing. I kind of fazed out a little bit because of the weather.” A great white lie, I blurt out._

_“My name is Clint. Nice to meet you!” I gave my hand for a handshake._

_“My name is Anthony, but you can call me Ant.” He also gave his hand for a handshake and smiles from ear to ear._

I can’t help to think that his smile is so adorable, his eyes looks like it’s fully closed, his cheeks are blushing red; I feel he is too excited to meet someone on a first day. He’s adorable… too adorable.

As we walk to the school lobby, we talked about ourselves. He loves anime and he has a pet turtle at home. I also shared how I love video games and music; I cannot tell if he also likes it but he was willing to explore more hobbies he said. Since that day, I never miss a day without seeing him, in fact we are always together every single day. Even though we are in different sections, he never fails to meet up with me and seeing him everyday make my day complete.

Third year in high school, we are in the same section. During a first meeting of Social Science class, our teacher asked us to choose our own seats for the whole quarter. The seats come in pairs and a long table in front of it. When the teacher said to choose our seats, Ant suddenly grabbed my arm and placed ourselves at the very back. All of our classmates had their eyes wide open with the sudden act. Ant placed his bag on the table in front of him and laid his head as if he was about to sleep.

_“What was that for? Everyone was looking at us.” I asked._

_He lifted his head, looked around, and laid his head again._

_“Meh. I don’t care.” Ant said._

_“Well why did you do that?” My curiosity is at its peak._

_Ant stared at me momentarily._

_“I… I just want… to.” Ant says softly and turned his head away from me._

The moment he said those words, the strange feeling I got during our first interaction came back. I didn’t understand what it is but it was something that keeps me thinking about him all day. His vague and subtle actions says it all.

Throughout the whole school year, we were always glued together. Whether it may be a group work or an activity, he doesn’t want to be in group without me. One time he got mad at me because we weren’t in the same group in one class. He didn’t speak to me for a good three days. He gave me gifts and took me to places just to apologize. He is a very sweet person; I can tell you that but I can’t help myself wonder why he does this.

There’s this one hangout where it seemed special for him. We were at the bay watching the sunset, talking about life and our possible future. He wanted to pursue media arts and animation for college since he’s inspired by watching anime. I love his passion to pursue his dream because of the things that makes him happy, I couldn’t be prouder for him. The conversation got deeper as time passes by.

_“That’s nice! You have a great talent in drawing, I can tell that because you’ve been scribbling in my notes whenever you’re bored in class.” I said jokingly._

_“Well there’s more than that actually…” Ant said_

_“What is it?”_

_“I like it when someone appreciates me for my passion. But… I want to be with someone… who understands me a lot.”_

_I stared blankly in his face, trying to process what he said. Ant brings out a case and pulls out a necklace._

_“Promise me to keep this necklace, no matter what happens… to us.”_

_He linked the necklace around my neck. I never felt this flustered in my life but I don’t understand what’s happening. It felt too fast to comprehend. We watched the sunset together, with Ant laying his head on my shoulder._

Senior year in high school was the most memorable time, it was so memorable it impacted our friendship. Over the course of a month, someone has been secretly inserting notes in my locker. When I asked Ant about this, he got annoyed instantly.

_“Just don’t mind these notes! They could’ve lure you in and hurt you!” he exclaimed._

_“Why? Why are so angry about it?” I asked him._

_“Because… I don’t want you to.” Ant couldn’t say the reason._

_“You always say the same line for over a year now! When will I get a proper answer?” I desperately asked._

_“You don’t even know how I feel! I’m doing this for you! I don’t want to lose you!” He broke down as he said it._

_Ant left the room and it got all quiet._

I was really stupid for not seeing the signs. From the day we first met, I didn’t want to trust my feelings. The strange feeling, I get every time he looks at me scares me. I don’t want to experience pain, to the point I lose myself all over a person.

Ant did not talk to me for the following months. I didn’t see him during classes, he wasn’t with me the whole day. Even my classmates were wondering where he was and all I can answer is I… don’t know.

Justin, a classmate of mine, has been with me during the time Ant went away. He was the one who kept me company, just to make sure I wasn’t lonely. He is a very quirky person with a lot of humor and I really enjoy it a lot. Sometimes we would video chat talk about things, showing his dog, ranting about some problems about his family and school.

I have to admit, with Justin being around I kind of forgot Ant for a while. I feel very numb but it was for the better for both of us. More like better for me the most. It was my fault for letting Ant leave and I want to forget that memory. Thinking about Ant makes me miss him even more. I curse myself every night for letting Ant slip out of my mind. I cry myself to sleep thinking about Ant. I miss him. I really miss him.

Prom was all the rage in school and students have their partners proposed with large banners, flowers, and chocolates. Very cliché, I know. As I open my locker, a note fell. As I read the note, I saw this oddly familiar handwriting. I don’t want to assume anything, but whoever this was I really hope it’s Ant.

_“I can’t wait to see you at prom.”_

Prom came. Everyone is in their best dresses and suits. Who would’ve thought of a better concept than masquerade? Not in this school. Justin was supposed to be with me during that night but he had a family dinner so he cannot come. I was alone during that night and ready to go. I was about to leave the venue until someone grabbed my arm and lead me to the outside garden. At this point my heart was racing, with all the masks in people’s faces I can’t tell who’s who. But the way this person held my arm is strikingly familiar. If anything, I hope it was Ant.

We arrived at the outside garden where there’s no people on sight. The mysterious guy took off my mask.

_“Who are you? I was about to leave.” Said it irritatingly._

_“I won’t let you go if I miss this opportunity.” The masked man says._

_The masked man took off his mask. It was Justin._

_“Justin? Why are you here? You said you have a family dinner!” I said shockingly._

_“Well it was cancelled… so I wanted to surprise you tonight.”_

_“So, what is this for?” I questioned._

_“For the months we’ve been together, I felt really really happy. I never felt this way before towards a person and I did everything I can to not to lose this person. Tonight, I hope you give me a chance to let me be myself more, know me better, and change myself for the better.”_

_Justin held my hands and rubs them softly._

_“Clint… will you be m-“_

_“CLINT!” A loud shout came out of nowhere._

_I looked to the direction of the noise and there I saw… what might be… my first love._

_It was Ant._

_My eyes were wide open in shock as I saw him in the distance. I never knew this day would come. The man who left for about 6 months has finally arrived and with the scene we are at today… it might’ve extended indefinitely._

_Ant, disappointed at the scene, hurriedly goes back into the car. I ran as fast as I can to him. When I reached the car, I desperately knocked on his car window asking him to open up._

_“Ant! Please, it’s not what you think! Open up please!” I pleaded._

_Ant didn’t hear anything and proceeds to drive off._

_I tried to chase the car but I tripped. Seeing his car travelling into the distance seals the deal. I’m never going to see him again. I cried in the pavement as I desperately call him back._

_This was the night where I unwillingly said goodbye._

From then on, I never believe in love again. I rejected Justin because of what happened but he understands and we only stayed as friends. Onto senior year, I focused heavily in academics and I have no time for my social life. This was my way to distract myself from the reality I witnessed during that night. At some nights, I cried involuntarily and I hurt myself from thinking about Ant. It was suicidal, depressive, and life-draining. With numerous therapies and help I could get; I was feeling better. I was able to make friends again in school, make memories to get the most out of my final years in high school.

Graduation came and everyone was excited to live their life to fullest from then on. I’m happy that my family came to the ceremony to give their greetings. As they were celebrating, I was mindlessly looking for someone. I can’t tell who but I felt there was something missing, like it’s a special day and I had to see someone special. When I realized who it was and I cannot find him around the venue… I had to accept that he’s gone and the only thing needed to do is to move on.

First day of college as a Secondary Education Major. I attended this huge welcoming party for all freshmen in the campus. A person tapped my shoulder and gave me a note. I read the note with wide open eyes, reading that oddly familiar handwriting and drawing.

_“It’s been awhile. How are you?”_

Could it be?


	2. Cinnamon Girl

Coming Soon...


End file.
